Funnies!Funnies! Favorite (Probably real) headlines from Newspapers: (Thanks to Jeff Deluzio) No One Killed in Fatal Crash Sex Education Delayed: Teachers Demand Training Stolen Painting Found by Tree Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Blind Woman Gets Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation Queen Mary to have Bottom Scraped Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Include Your Children When Baking Bread and Cookies Two Sisters United after 18 Years in Loblaws Checkout Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Legislator wants Tougher Death Penalty Miners Refuse to Work After Death Air Head Fired Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Deer Kill 17,000 As Reported in a U.S. Bar Association Journal. These are actual questions asked by lawyers. The witnesses often do respond. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Now, Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you alone or by yourself? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: And how many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many times have you commited suicide? A: No answer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. (We speculate that the poor attorney was having a mumbling witness) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: You were not shot in the fracus? A: No. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- More Head-slapping Headlines: "Principal Transfers Upset Parents" Des Moines Register "Editor's Wife Rented to 2 Suspects, FBI says" Chicago Tribune "Sikh Student Suspended Over Dagger" Vancouver Province "Natives Abused as Children Accept Settlement" The Globe and Mail "Diseased Orange Trees Replaced by Students" Los Angeles Times "Genetically Modified Crops Talk of Meeting" News Gazette (Champaign, Ill.) "British Foot-in-mouth Remedy: Massive Slaughter" Colorado Springs Gazette "Asteroid Nearly Misses Earth" Washington Post